The Malecon, originally uploaded by jayewell.

Denise and Joyce, originally uploaded by jayewell.

liquidating

I've been on a bit of a health thing since I came back from Cuba in May. Maybe it was the rum? maybe it was hauling around the extra poundage in the tropical heat. It's possible that the swim in the dolphin pool and the resulting heftiness forever memoralized in video pushed me over the edge?

I killed all flours, sugar and dairy from my diet on May 15. Now, that's not to say I haven't cheated. I've sneaked bits and pieces of all the foods i swore off. There was that trip to Mennonite country and the land of perogies and cream sauce that was, come on do you blame me- unavoidable.

But, I've kicked it up a notch and I've started a 3 day (nice and moderate) juice cleanse. There is a sink full of organic carrots, broccoli, beets, radish, celery, parsley, kale and cabbage waiting to be drunk.

I have a big old glass of fresh juice for breakfast, tomato cocktail for lunch, fresh veggie juice for dinner and a glass of prune juice for dessert. Yum.

Last Chance Lantern Saloon

Wonder why I haven't said much over here lately? It's because a bomb of tissue paper, glue, and baloons went off in my apt. I haven't done much of anything except make lanterns, eat, sleep and procrastinate about making lanterns.

At the end of the last 10 days, I made 70 lanterns. I stung them up outside tonight for the 21 annual Illumanaires lantern festival in Trout Lake. I strung them all and then the weirdest thing happened.

It rained. Not only did it rain, there was lightning and thunder as well. Which is a rare phenomenon here. It rains alot but with no show. Tonight, even the sun shone under the rain. The sky was a pinking orange, like it was the planet mars. the rain came down like tiny boulders of wetness. Heavy and damp.

Out came the tarps to cover the lanterns made out of dried glue and paper. Brave souls took pity in me and walked away with my labored over pods of light. It was a steal at 5 buck with a stick, a soggy pack of matches and a wet tea light.

I made 70, and sold 33 and got a $1 tip. Best part was people taking them to their cars to take home!

emblems of the prairies

emblems of the prairies, originally uploaded by jayewell.

touch me

touch me, originally uploaded by jayewell.

gasoline and grass

Once there was a girl who was kind of an introvert in an extroverted way. She liked to watch people more than she liked to talk to them. When she was 5, her best friend died and no one really explained it to her because she was only just only a young thing who they were sure would not understand. After that and to this day, the smell of gasoline and grass makes her feel as though something is missing in her life.

The little girl grew up. All along the way, it was as though there was no one else who would ever feel like she did or do the things that she was doing. She stared and stared and said nothing. She blindly continued on in her search for the source of the gasoline and grass, mostly unknowingly. Along the way, she stumbled and fell more than once into the arms that could not hold her.

If only the man with the weathered hands and plaid farmers shirts would come back and say goodbye before he left. "Be a good girl and keep your chin up. You’re a pretty girl" he would say- that and "you’re my girl". He would explain to her why others wouldn’t sometimes care and he would say it in a way that even her tiny heart would understand. If only he hadn’t died; things would have been different.

The little girl would not have been left alone to stare at the others and wonder where the smell of gasoline and grass comes from.

2 weeks and then 2 weeks

In 2 weeks I'll be headed home to spend some time in the beautiful Alberta prairies. I'm really looking forward to a long weekend with my mum and getting to see some family. Do a little driving, take a few pictures, get some good prairie air in my lungs. There's something weirdly calming about puffy white clouds, blue skies and weather storms that can take your roof off. Big thundering cracks of lightning is the kind of thing you don't get in Vancouver. There's something horribly wrong with rain with no thunder.

2 weeks after that, I'll be headed back to the plains of Manitoba. Somewhere I've caught a fondness for, There's mysteries and past wants creeping through the coulees of southern Manitoba. There's also some really fond friends that I lost touch with until recently. I am immensely grateful for finding them again for they are the kind of folks who I immediately feel at ease with. People I know in my heart we are friends and the kind of people you just pick up where you left off. My heart nearly exploded from my refound joy and delight in my lost friendships.

The prairies hold a special place in my heart. They are magical and mysterius plains of Western Canada. They are as exotic as foreign beaches and extravagent museums. As unique as the worn cobblestone of any european city and as rich with heritage and fable as the dark corners of the parisian acfes of philosphers past. I am a prairie girl at heart. I am old barn wood and abandoned houses filled with grain. I am the smell of trackers, oil and gasoline. I am the smell of fresh baked bread on a sunny window ledge. I am old and weathered skin and plaid farmer shirts. I am a storm cloud looking for my lightning bolt.

14 days and counting
28 days and waiting
till I get back.

Jill

32 days

What could one do in 32 days. What will I do in 32 days?
1. make cd's
2. ride 300 km
3. sew a patch on my jeans
4. look for jeans fr a friend
5. loose 15 pounds
6. drink 32 litres of water
7. eat 20 salads, at least
8. drink 32 cups of tea
9. make 100 lanterns and sell them for $500
10. have a street photo show
11. go to Alberta
12. answer 3200 emails
13. eat in a restaurant at least twice
14. will not eat any sugar, flour or dairy
15. go to at least 2 Car free Days
16. get tattooed
17. do the dishes at least 20 times
18. sell my cds
19. buy more music.
20. sleep on the couch maybe half a dozen time.
21. take 2.5 baths.
22. Take out the recycling 3 times.
23. print a photograph
24. will try and make changes
25. clear my head

Farmer

Farmer, originally uploaded by jayewell.

I spill the truth. It's not easier. I want the old and something new. I want plans and changes. I don't want to feel bad about being whatever I am right now. I'm a fool. Maybe.

waterfall

my emotions run thick and dry
through coulee on a hot summer day
the river of my feelings tear through it
carving patterns, an unpaved highway
rips the green carpet countryside
slow shards of grass cut the birds that land
my affections and agitations collide
the past and the future intersect
crash head first into one another
scorched by the sun and shipwrecked
my heart floats the blue clear water crawl
bursting through past lovers and pain
to the change of the waterfall




I spilled alot of stuff tonight. All my pains, all my wants, all my desires, all the conflicts of my heart. All the past that shapes me and confuses me now. All of it. It all collided with the future. One door is shut and I broke open the door to my gilded cage. I'm standing at the doorway of something changing but I don't know what.

get put the glue, we're gonna have a party

It's only 2 weeks until the annual Lantern Fest in Trout Lake. The lantern production is coming out again this year. Somewhere I have a bucket of glue and a bunch of tissue paper in storage. If I can make a labourious 100 lanterns, I can sell them for $5 easy. What else do i have going on for the next 14 days but to turn the kitchen into a lantern assembly line.

Jack & Jill

Jack & Jill, originally uploaded by gfpeck.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.- Hunter S. Thompson.

prairie post boxes

IMGP4041, originally uploaded by jayewell.

except for the "I don't like you" part, this is spot on for me right now

one of these days

I'll update the sorry state of this blog. Is it just me, or are you bored too?

I've been really busy, doing nothing really.

I went to Manitoba and saw 3 people I hadn't seen in 15-20 years. This was, um.. kind of startling to discover I'm basically in love with all of them. It's a funny thing seeing someone again you used to have a lot of fun with. I just opened the door to my heart for them to come back and it all translates into this warm squishy feeling of "Holy shit, I MISSED you and I didn't even know HOW MUCH and don't you DARE skip out of town again" And you know, life's short. So, just tell people you love them. I just have a wee bit of difficulty not inviting myself to hug them all night. Is that a bad thing?

I took some amazing shots that I'm just chucked to have in my collection. There are seriously, some old abandoned trucks out there. I saw a cluster of old fords in a field that I couldn't quite get to unless I got out and walked. If I wasn't on my way to the airport, I would've schlepped out there. I'm going back to get that shot.

I went thrifting and found the most ridiculously beautiful handbag for 45 cents and then noticed it's mate for 40 cents. The Mennonites really get down to thrifting. They also have change rooms made for 2. It gave me curious ideas. I did come away with the obligatory knit Mennonite slippers. I couldn't find any matching pot holders.

The best part was the Saskatoon berry perogies with white sauce in the middle of a no flour, dairy, or sugar cleanse. Way to stick it to me. It wasn't actually the best best part. That was any number of things..

-sitting at Denise's kitchen table after 20 yrs
-her party to introduce me to her friends
-knocking on the door of an handsome ex- fella and the gift of a really beautiful farm jacket- it inspired a poem
-seeing an old friend and finding them sad and staying the night to curl up
-dropping in on another old friend and their new bar and remembering how much the light in their eye's danced
-bar hopping with a friend in Winnipeg and sneaking them into my hotel room to stay up too late drinking beer and eating pizza.

I'm wondering now, how many years left do I have to pretend that I'm still 20?? Boy did I have fun.

once upon a time..

once upon a time.., originally uploaded by jayewell.

I believed in the past.

poem for you

You walked into a bar one night, on the south-side of the city
and said to your brother, 'look at that girl, isn't she so pretty'.
My doubts about that night are so, but you assured me it was true
It began the summer that shimmered gold before it turned dark blue.

You said we spent that summer talking, that we were surely dating
But I remember scowls and silence and silly awkward moments of mating.
A lifetime and one day later, I went knocking on your door
to find that you had all grown up, you'd had children and even more.

You aren't the same man that left that town so many years ago
instead you seemed the same but changed but how would I to know.
To make amends and bridge the past, you offered up your jacket
I wear it now with you inside, just like a little packet.

I wonder now, as I wondered then if our paths would cross again
with many letters of many words we put our thoughts down, without a pen.
To think of ways to travel near for picnics in the wheat
where we can remember what we forgot when the heart begins to beat.

So, while some will say 'don't look back', sometimes it's not the plan
but to turn around once more again to finish what has began.
I bet once more our journeys will bring us not far but near
Where we can laugh again and rekindle friendships, all within the year.