late spring in the prairies

This is Chloe.

She has singlehandledly raised more awareness for Trich than anything lately. The background music is Sixx AM or Niki Sixx band (he's from Motely Crue- big time famous). He found out about the video and called Chloe and it's been popping up on new reports for the last couple of days.

Pretty brave.

I remember being 13 and starting Grade 7 in a new school, in a new neighborhood. I stood outside the side doors almost paralysed. I had no hair. I refused to cover it up and I refused to wear a wig. I was a bald girl years before Sinead O Connor or Brittany Spears shaved their heads. I had to walk through the halls, find my class, find a seat and be Ok.

I was harassed by the grade 9 students. Called Baldy and Kojak. Once someone wrote "Jill is Diseased" in large red letters across a bathroom stall door. Girls preening in the bathrooms at lunch would ask me if they could borrow a brush from me and then start laughing. I was lucky though. It was before the real epidemic of bullying. I think it's worse now. Cyber Bullying. I went to grade school before cell phones, emails, Facebook pages and blogs. Either that or I had a look on my face that said I'll rip the shreds off of you if you dare make fun of me. I was always a bit headstrong and determined. I also managed to have great friends. Pretty cool friends actually. But I don't think I ever really told anyone I was pulling my hair out. I still don't. The majority of people in my life don't know I live with Trichotillomania. Now you do.

I'd like to post this video on my Facebook page, but I'm not brave enough yet. I admire Chloe. When I was that age, I don't think I would have posted it on Youtube. The other day, my tattoo artist was telling me that he developed Trich.. that he pulled out all his eyelashes and eyebrows and I just said "You're kidding? Really? Wow!" and he's like "ya, really". I had to say.. I know about Trich.

I've pulled out all my hair.
I have since I was 11 or 12.
I can't control it at all.
You can't "just stop" or "just don't ever do it again"
It makes you feel like a freak/ an outsider/ abnormal/ inhuman/ unworthy/ ashamed/ embarrassed/ worthless/ ugly/ exhausted/ tired/ upset/ suicidal/ unlovable/ mentally unstable/ insecure/ doubtful and  scared

If I could control it, I would have a long long time ago. Believe me.

leg action

When the designs are chosen with care, tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. ~Michelle Delio

my kitten

 She started coughing.. I guess you could call it that. Cat's don't really cough, but it's hard to describe. Kind of a gasping like she was trying to make herself clear her throat. She didn't throw anything up and then one day she did.. but the coughing happened again. Same thing.. no vomit. One day she pooped out kind of like a string and we thought.. oh.. she ate a piece of yarn and it was stuck in her throat. But one day she was back to coughing again. We theorized it was because her kitty window was gone and she wasn't eating grass the way cat's eat grass. We thought it was a hairball and we bought chewy treats to help dissolve hairballs. She's lost weight. We chaulked it up to stress. First we took her to the vet and had her shots up to date.. then we brought home a new kitten. Then we left for Christmas. We took the kitten back, then kids stayed with us. The kitty window went away. It was just kitty trauma. The last thing we thought was.. she has a cold.

 

Today she went to the vet and we described the scenarios. She's gotten into the yarn or she has a hairball. An x-ray would tell us the story and we'd walk away with a special kitty food. I think we both felt sick when we saw the cloudy mass. The vet pointed it out. It was pushing on her lung and it wasn't a hair ball. It's a tumor. He said the C word. She's lost weight. About a pound in the last year. Now and ultrasound and a biopsy is needed. Maybe surgery. Maybe it can stay. Maybe it's begnign and maybe it's going to get worse. She went in to have her rabies shots updated and he said not to bother until we knew more.

We're both a bit sad here at Casa Yewell- Trainor. It's costly. It's sad. We're fond of our feline companion. We've been a trio for nearly 8 years. She has character and spunk. She curls up with you and put one paw up when she wants to have a petting. She hangs out with you and just wants to be in charge. Don't pick her up. Let her do her thing. Don't put her in a box to take her someplace.. just let her sit in your lap and she's fine.. She just wants to be in charge.. and while she's been minding her own business.. her little body is having an act of rebellion. We're going to cross each bridge as we come to it and make the best decisions we can and be there for Ruby as much as we can.