auld lang syne

The new year rose unfolds. I always find the ends of cycles to be auspicious. The beginning of weeks, months, years, birthdays all seem to hold a stronger spark of opportunity for a fresh start for me. I'm bound in some way by cycles, feeling at times that something must run its course, or that I'm compelled and held in a loop.

I don't have very many resolves for the new year, but only a few:

To live a more honest life with trichotillomania and be held back by it less. It's a course that's been running in my life for a long time and I've been terribly disappointed when a new cycle starts and it tags along into the new years, new birthdays. I vow to love it like a funny child that needs to hold my hand and less like a heavy weight on my heart.

To enrich my diet with fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains/ beans, organic and ethical meats, and plenty of loved water. To eliminate dairy, flours, and sugars (except for the odd teaspoon of Cuban honey)

To display my creativity more often. To have a show of my photography.

To live a more balanced and enriched life with work, exercise, and fun.

To give more love, kindness, support and patience to people.

To dance more often.

To be Jill.

for you B, sweet friend

Seasons cold that push the frost
hiding from the clock time ticking.
The chickadee cries wait wait..
she's still playing in the tall wheat grass picking.

For the peek a boo of lovers,
waiting for breeze the summer warms.
Electricity comes on the coattails of the sparrow
when the nighttime turns to darkened storms.

Sun beams through the old farm windows
your gaze peeking through the seasons of my life.
The hide and seek of friendship,
cut up for children, a cake with a golden knife

One day she will take that lovely creature
wrap them up with feathers from her nest
and play the tiny birdsong of words
where her eyes speak and the heart knows the rest

the trapeze act

I'm going back to school. I think. First stop.. my GED. Next stop Biology 12. I'm going to try and open a few doors and windows.

Then I'll jump through some hoops, do a few summersaults and jumping jack or two and feel less like a caged monkey and on my way to ringleader extrodanaire.

Life is a god damn circus, doncha know.

Maybe I'll blog about being a shiftless 37 year old who starts to walk down the yellow brick road, get famous. It'll all be turned into a movie and Natalie Portman will play me.

I watched Julie & Julia tonight. It was good and I enjoyed it. But I enjoyed it less for the entertainment of it and more for the parallel I felt towards it. Julia Child was 37 and hadn't found a career and didn't know what to do with herself. Ok, she was also married, had come from a family with money and was living in Paris with her diplomat husband.

The fact is she was unfocused and untrained at 37. Much like me.

Julie was in a dead end secretarial job, living with her husband and a cat when she started a blog on cooking her way through Julia Child's - Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Inadvertantly rescuing her from a drowning feeling and inertia of going nowhere.

I live with my boyfriend and a cat and have a sinking feeling in my stomach that if I don't do something about my sinking feeling it might get worse.

I don't think I'm going to cook my way through a book or run off to Paris, but I sure which I knew what was going to do.

in honor of my mother

Because I know that she'd rather I hadn't colored all over my arms, but she still makes lovely and supportive comments and says the work is pretty. By the way, thanks for letting me draw all over my bedroom walls in black permanent marker. No matter how many coats of paint, you could still read the lyrics to a Beatles song. I only wish we'd taken photos of that.

One of my favorite recipes from my mom.. its dinner tonight. Looking forward to seeing you in 15 days.

Smothered Chicken

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 tsp salt
1 tsp coarsely ground black pepper
1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 cups diagonally sliced carrots
1 cup sliced onion
1 garlic clove, minced
2 (8 once) packages pre=sliced mushrooms- I ignore this.
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 14.5 ounce can fat free chicken broth
1 tbsp chopped fresh or 1 tsp dried thyme
Chopped fresh chives (optional)

Brown chicken in a skillet over medium heat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Remove.

Heat oil in pan; add carrots, onion, and garlic. Cook 2 minutes. Add mushrooms; cook 5 minutes until vegetables are tender. Sprinkle with flour; cook 2 minutes, stirring constantly.

Add broth and thyme, bring to a boil and cook until slightly thickened. Return chicken to the pan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes until chicken is done. Garnish with chives if desired.

Yield 4 servings.

Note: I put in a slow over (280 – 300) and cook for 2-3 several hours like a stew. Often add more broth to make sure I have lots of gravy and serve with mashed potatoes.

little birds

IMGP5068, originally uploaded by jilly71.

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