I slipped up. Relapsed. Fell off the wagon. How many other euphemisms are there for fucked up? I wish I could say what it is that I messed up on but I can't. I can't write it here and I can say it to anyone either. It's just one of those things. It's like having a friend that's a secret drunk and they come to you and tell you that they drank again, but they vow to stop the next time and all you hear after a while are the excuses. And it's frustrating to watch. That's me, but I'm not a secret drunk.
So I can't tell anyone I fell off the wagon. I can't say how hurt and ashamed and remorseful I feel because it will go away and likely it will happen again. And I'll fool myself into thinking it doesn't matter. No amount of opening up will bring any sort of aid or support. But I had to tell someone. Say something.
I fucked up. I fell off the wagon. It hurts. I'm sad and full of regret.
Now I'll get myself back up, dust off my bloody knees and carry on.
Thanks for listening.
4 comments:
You're the only one who can help yourself. It sounds to me like you know that and are doing a good job. Everyone trips now and then!
man, my ass is still sore. Whatever you're on about, im sure its someone else's fault. love n kisses. tracy
confession is good for the soul.
hang in there.
Think i know what you are saying...
Still wonder when I'll get enough of hearing my own excuses. Now I just go for stretching the time in between.
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